Saying “No” to More and Saying “Yes” to Less
April 12, 2015
I read in the newspaper recently someone who wrote in 2015 was about more.More travel, more focused gym time, more protein eating, more being lovely to people I met…..” …and I wanted to scream….No MORE….Yes, LESS.
The question is “what fits your already busy schedule ? one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day ?” “How long can you sustain “more” ?
Why more? Want less! You need to exhale before inhaling. Right?
Statistics show that only 8% of New Year’s resolutions are successful. That makes 98% failing rate. Pretty high results !
I believe there are few reasons for this problem :
- People are setting their New Years’ goals out of guilt – they are in their ‘should or should not anymore ! …and using fear as a motivating factor.
- People have not thought through and have set up totally unrealistic resolutions and goals.
- People are looking for ‘Quick-Fix”
- People have not looked at “removing stuff or saying NO to few things before adding more.
- People have not develop their Will power to fight off laziness and self doubt.
- People have not changed their story in their heads.
- People ‘s resolutions are not linked to their purpose.
BE SPECIFIC – WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU ?
A review in the American Journal of Heath Promotion found the more specific you make your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. Instead of saying “be happier”, make a goal to smile 10 times every day at least 6 days a week. Instead of “travel more”, make a goal to visit 5 countries in 2015 for at least 5 days during each trip. Instead of ‘being healthier”, make a goal in juicing one day a week for 24 hours for 3 months or more.Too Many Goals!
FOCUS ON ONLY FEW POWERFUL OUTCOMES
In his book How We Decide, Jonah Lehrer writes about a study done by Stanford University. It found when people tried to memorize more information, their willpower suffered. The more goals the subjects made, the less likely they were to achieve them. It’s tempting to try everything on this list, but for best results, focus on your top three goals. You can always do more later, or add a new goal when you achieve one on your short list.
TAKE AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
A study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found lack of social support increases cortisol, heart rate, and anxiety. All of these factors weaken your ability to stick to your goals. In order to succeed with your New Year’s Resolutions, seek support from friends and family, and take breaks. Mistakes are part of successes, so don’t be afraid to make them. If you don’t get support from your friends, your first goal should be to get some new ones.
Drop the Guilt
Guilt and shame do not work – in fact they are the biggest roadblocks you will face on your quest to become more successful in achieving your ‘wants’. The worse you feel about yourself, the less will you have, and that of course only makes you feel as a ‘loser’ or a ‘blamer”.
Research shows that People who imagined eating cakes and felt ashamed about it actually thought the cake would taste better.
However, if you think about how bad you felt after eating you’ll eat more.
Likewise, students who beat themselves up for putting off studying put off their studying more. It’s the same with addicts. The worse they feel about a minor lapse, the more likely it turns into a major relapse. More guilt = more problems.
“WHAT THE HELL EFFECT” – BEWARE !
There is also “the what the hell effect”. If you do one thing bad, it cascades into other ‘bad’ things, especially with food, drinking. You already ‘sinned’ once, ‘broken your rule”, what the heck ! why not something else?
The solution to this spiral destructive situation in your head is to reconnect quickly to your heart and bring back the self-love/ self-compassion. Hey ! we all make mistakes, we are all growing. When you forgive yourself after a ‘went back to my old habit” with smoking, diet or anything else, you are more likely to break the pattern. That’s why there are no quick fix. You have choices. Learn and recover.
DEVELOP YOUR WILL
Don’t set too high expectations and goals first. Start small. Train your brain and your body to not be lazy. Decide on what you are going to achieve – little tasks first – complete them and celebrate. This will release endorphins, happy hormones which will create a new set of positive behaviors. Then take on bigger ones, because now you can, your will is awaken !
So, before you decide on the three or four goals you want to set up in 2015, and that’s OKAY if you set them up by March but my recommendation is for you to :
EXHALE FIRST
Make a list FIRST of what you want to get rid of and say NO to :
List your In-completes and your Messes and tackle one each day : ie the kitchen draw which needs to be fixed, or the old documents which needs to be put into files….one a day.
List your ‘bad habits” and tackle one a month. Research says that it takes between 28 to 45 days to change a bad habit. So be kind to yourself.
Now, INHALE – you have created “space”
Choose what is important to you ! What raise your energy ! What makes you smile and feel proud of who you are becoming. And focus on four thrilling, amazing, bombastic goals.
Four goals only which will give you a true sense of purpose :
One Financial Target – One Relationship Target –
One Self Development Target – One Spiritual Target
As for me, right now, I have listed 14 bad habits, and I am on them, as we speak !
My goals can wait. First, time to make space.
“It is not your aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude” Zig Ziglar
Enjoy ‘ Saying ‘No’ to More and Saying ‘Yes’ to Less”
Michelle Garnier-Chedotal
Founder KinesioCoach (FZ LLC)
Professional Kinesiologist and Coach (ICPKP,PCC,ORSCC)
Front of the Room Leader for CTI.
To know more about programs offered at KinesioCoach : www.kinesiocoach.s1.dxbee.ae
March 31, 2015
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